Reset: The Chronicle of My Success Foretold

 RESET

The Chronicle of My Success Foretold

Zarena C. Hermogeno

Growing up in an Asian household, I was always taught the standard goals regarding success: I need to have the affluent lifestyle, have a socially-respectable job, own a mansion and numerous cars, earn a PhD degree, have a good-looking husband and produce offsprings that would be top contenders for the next President of the Philippines. However, as my grandmother would put it “Hindi lahat binibigay ng Diyos” (everything is not bestowed onto you by God), and that life has its sneaky ways to craft your fate and question your success completely to the point that you don’t even know where to go from whichever point you are in life right now.

And as all grandmothers are, she is always correct. Life so far for me was a whirlwind of unexpected twists and turns that led me through a path that neither I could not have even foretold back then. But let’s start from the beginning, shall we? 

Not to brag, but I was regarded as the stellar kid back in my childhood. Having to read at the age of 2 and speak by 3 and eventually write at the age of 4, my parents have high hopes for me. Back then, I viewed success as “making my parents happy” hence, I did everything that put a smile on their faces: got good grades, helped in chores, and kept being a good girl in front of many. It went like that until one time I felt the pressure slowly entering my system as their expectations grew bigger. But, of course, I didn’t know it back then and still pushed through what I always did. Until I couldn’t anymore. 

I started being the normal student in the latter parts of grade school. No more top 10, no more inter-campus contests, and no more happy smiles from my parents. I was branded as a “failure” and disappointment. 

But hey, if I didn’t find my success in my parents, maybe I could find it in other people–my friends! – Or so I thought. 

Cut to high school, I now viewed success as “making other people happy”- the more people I bond with and hit on jokes to, the more successful I am. It’s like hitting two birds with one stone: I gain popularity and I have that sense of validation that I am truly successful. But, then again, I failed. 

Instead of friends, I gained foes. Turns out, being a people-pleaser tends to have its attributed “fake” attitude, and many didn’t like that. Upon graduating high school, I only gained friends less than the fingers on one hand. Albeit this reason, I am thankful I still got true and lifelong friends out of all that drama and chaos. 

Now that I am in college and preparing for my “real life” out in society, I am now questioning what does “success” really mean to me. For the time being, what I have only done so far is the accumulation of the things I lacked before: balancing my academics and having a meaningful college life. And still, it really is tiring. Seems like my definition of success right now is: “making myself ‘worth it’”. Everyone wants an effective person, right? One that is smart, professional, and full of personality. That’s why I seize every opportunity that comes my way, whatever and however challenging one may be.

People say I should feel accomplished. I have a published column in a national newspaper, I am an active campus news writer doing outbound coverages, I am a responsible fur mom, I balance my side-hustle with my academics, I provide for my younger sister and other members of the family who need help, and I study at a very respectable university. People say I should be thankful for all of these, and I am and always have been. However, I still don’t know if all of these are indeed successful. 

Right now, I’m at this point in my life where I do things that I know are productive, effective, and enjoyable in my regard. But if you would let me define success right now or even the next 10 years, I would say that success is “making yourself happy”

Plausible, I’ve heard before that you choose your own happiness, and you make your own fate and therefore, also your success. 

You hold your key to success. But my problem right now is that...I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore. I do not know what makes me successful since I really couldn’t pinpoint the roots of what I could call as successful anymore. 

Throughout my life, I tried following success and kept it under my leash but it seems to still slither its way out of my tight grip. That’s why I thought that maybe I should let loose. Maybe I should just let things be and be happy in the present. Not being careless rather enjoying the moment while it lasts. 

As the song says “Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see–Que sera, sera”. That’s why I’m starting from there, starting small–starting anew. 

Success, as viewed by many, is a grandeur of splendid accomplishments. Life has taught me that these grander things, whatever grand they may be, has its way to make you feel so little of yourself by making you feel that you can’t really measure up anymore or tuning you to reach and reach until you can’t anymore propelling you down to a dreadful fall from your cherished pedestal. 

But maybe from this reset in thinking I could form certaiin habits that would lead me towards success. From now, I just see myself being a successful journalist in 10 years, producing documentaries or stories that would capture the heart and minds of many and would inspire them to take a path similar to mine. Also, I don't see myself as having children. Part of it because I still got a lot to work on myself to be fully capable to bear a child. I know I am testifying against the norms of my family, but we all have our choices in life. Most importantly, I see myself waking up every day to a job that I love doing and I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world. Simple thoughts, simple goals, simple life. 

That’s why, maybe right now, success is “being in the moment and doing what you can when you must.” After all, success is what makes you a better person, a functional one in society at the very least. But life is not a race, and whatever happens will happen. Might as well make each day count for the betterment of yourself and your future as long as you can, and by that you are truly successful.